Dark Blue Eyes
by Sardonic Grin
Summary: [Sequel to Cherry Soda Boy]The continuation of the Cloud and Reno story. College life rolls by, and the hopes and dreams of our two favorite boys may just tear their love apart. Will Cloud and Reno love make it? Or will this story end in tragedy.
1. Happily Never After

Authors Note: I said I wouldn't- a million times- but I think it needs a sequel. I have more thoughts in my head that need to be written down when it comes to Cloud and Reno, and I feel like a sequel will do it justice. Hopefully it won't drag Cherry Soda Boy into the mud- and hopefully you will like this sequel. It won't be as long as Cherry Soda Boy, trust me. Infact it will be arguable MUCH shorter. 6-16 chapters, depending on what I feel is right. I will see how much I will update- I currently have three other stories in the works that need to be finished. I hope you guys like the sequel!

**Dark Blue Eyes **

**Sequel to Cherry Soda Boy**

_Chapter One _

_Happily Never After_

I hated fairy tales growing up, because they were dressed in nothing but sweet lies and pretty words. They did nothing but bring back the backwards ideas from a society that had long since died off- and yet we still read them to our children without batting an eye, not even thinking about the damage we, as parents, could be causing their young minds. As young boy, a teenager, and even a young adult I scoffed at them, curses at them, and even tore out the pages to watch their lies bleed onto the floor. I hated them…because "happy ever after," just didn't happen in the real world. You would think me, who found love, would have changed his mind. I didn't. Because "happily ever after" didn't happen in my world.

I wish I could say that it all turned out great for me and my cherry soda boy. Oh yes, and just be as bad as those damned fairy tales I hate with every fiber of my being. I refuse to remain a hypocrite- I have been one for too long. The only reason why I ended it there, with our glorious re-uniting at the ruins of the church, was because that was the end of that story. The plight with Shinra, the damage of Sephiroth, and the cursed mind of an angst ridden teenager ended there. That moment. I thought, and I was foolish enough to think such a thought, everything was going to be okay…I wish it had been. I wish we didn't hurt each other the way we did.

We were deluding ourselves I think. We were teenagers what did you expect? We wanted nothing more to spend every second, every precious moment, of our short lives in each others strong, but fragile, arms. But we had hopes and dreams that would only disappear if we allowed ourselves that fantasy. We were sixteen when we first began our love affair, and as our senior year approached my mind raced with a million thoughts of the future. A future that, as much included him in it's carefully worded pages, couldn't happen if I allowed myself to latch on to his safe body. And it was a decision I had made early on, and it was something I kept from him until the last possible second. A bad choice? Maybe. A tragic ending? Depending how you choose to look at it.

The real question is: Am I happy with the way my life turned out?  
I guess you have to read to find out.


	2. A Sad Song

_Chapter Two _

_A Sad Song_

Music. Strange music seemed to play relentlessly in my fragile mind, keeping me up at night for weeks on end. It was a strange tune, unfamiliar to my ears and mouth, but it managed to imprint itself in my head. I couldn't even describe the tune if I wanted to, all I can remember was it was sad. Sometimes, I would wake up to a face drenched with tears and the feeling of guilt weighing heavily in my heart- always followed by the tune mocking me. At first I was stupid as to why this song stalked by so, until a week before our college acceptance letters were due to arrive. That's when I realized, the song was a theme for my betrayal to Reno.

I had lied to my boyfriend, or husband which ever way you decide to look at it. I had assured him countless times that my future was in New York City and promised to remain in this city until we together decided to move on. I promised to go a college in good old Manhattan, I promised to commute back and forth despite the difficulty, but most of all I promised to be by his side as he stayed at the College of Staten Island. I lied to him- and I knew I was lying even as I made those foolish promises. I applied to schools as far as California, keeping them all a secret from him. I thought, stupidly thought, that him living in ignorance would be better than blessing him with the truth. I still to this day don't know if my foolishness was correct.

The day had come when our letters of acceptance were to arrive, and that stupid, unfamiliar song rang loudly in my head all night. I watched with bloodshot eyes as the sun arose from its hiding spot, and drenched the city in a cold twilight. I could see the dark April clouds begin to shuffle to block the sun and shower the day in sad rain. The pit of my stomach rumbled at the omen, waking up the sleeping red head beside me.

I brought my dark blue eyes to lay themselves at the fidgeting red head. Despite how much I loved him, Reno was never known for his innocence. However, dressed in the little light that snuck its way in, he looked cleansed of all his sins for once. I frowned at the thought of me tainting his soul with my betrayal, and for the first time in a year I decided maybe leaving behind my dreams of abandoning this City wasn't such a bad idea. Of course I pushed aside those foolish thoughts- everyone should leave Staten Island.

I ran my fingers through Reno's tasseled red hair that was illuminated thanks to soft light. His eyes fluttered opened and danced to gaze sleepily into my bloody eyes. His thin lips curved into a sinister little smile that, despite his vulnerability, caused me to squirm under his gaze.

"Stop staring at me like that," I scolded gently.

He laughed at me, reaching to touch a strand of my short blond hair, "Stop staring at me like that Mr."

"Like what?"

"Like you did something wrong." The finger that was once twirling my hair made a trail down my face to my chapped lips, "you always look guilty babe."

I smiled against his index finger, looking deeply into his green eyes that were now shining thanks to the little bit of sunlight that found its way into our room. I loved the innocence that seemed to have appeared in those eyes. He never looked this pure, angelic, not even when I first laid eyes on him. He was damaged thanks to his past relationships, thanks to Shinra, thanks to blood he had to shed. It was a long time before he was able to get that innocence back; and sadly it was something that was doomed to be short lived. But never-the-less, I basked in the light of innocence, even with the hanging lie dancing around my head- pounding and cursing at me to tell him. Tell him what? That I was in the business of destroying everything we had died to keep together.

"Sorry," I whispered weakly, pulling him closer to my body- savor these little moments, I thought. College acceptance letters will be arriving today; my destiny will be written out on a piece of paper. I had to tell him that day.

Not thinking anything about my sudden strange behavior, Reno removed his dainty finger and replaced it with his warm lips. It was quick, painful, but like a cup of coffee I needed it to start my day. School was calling for us now. I knew tension was going to be high among us seniors- and honestly spending a whole day on edge just to wait for some stupid little letter did not seem appealing at all. If it wasn't for the sorry fact my maid would definitely snitch on me if I stayed home, I would have just hid under the covers until the mail man came with the tragically happy news.

I needed to stop thinking so negative- I knew that. The more I thought about it, the more I figured The College of Staten Island wasn't such a bad idea. And let me tell you, the moment you think that is the moment you gave given up on life all together. So no, I refused to stoop so low. I was still alive. More alive than I've been in a long time.

No, I was more concerned about him. Reno wasn't exactly the most understanding person in the world, and would take me leaving for a different school as a personal blow. "Oh look you just want to get away from me, well fuck you." Yeah he would say that, and that was fine. I can take Reno's aggressive nature, his child like behavior, and even his some times negative out look on his life. Yes I could take it, because I understood that. I could deal with that. That meant we could work it out. I know it didn't make sense to the people who watched our relationship under a microscope- but it made sense to us. We're men and we tend to act like it; a blessing and a curse.

I didn't feel like bathing that day, honestly, I just wanted to dwell in the filth that I was- I know, bad hygiene, but I put on deodorant and Axe cologne so I was one step above the French (kidding). I threw on some ripped jeans I got at Hollister for some ungodly reason, a My Chemical Romance shirt, and two sweatbands decorated my wrists- one with the gay pride symbol, the other said Nintendo. My hair was too short to do in crazy spikes, so I just flipped up the top, frowning at how I seemed to look too much like a "good boy" with this hairstyle. I wanted to do something drastic with my hair. I wanted to dye it some crazy ass color like purple or blue- but Reno said no…he liked the blonde. Said it reminded him of a sunny day. He would get poetic like that sometimes. I stuck out my tongue at the image of me; my simple tongue ring taunting the good boy image- I don't remember why I did this, I think I was just getting tired of myself. Here's a nice "fuck you" Cloud Strife.

After I finished emotionally abusing myself in the mirror, I turned to see Reno had finally gotten out of the shower. A towel was wrapped tightly around his waste, his hair still dripping and sending droplets down his toned chest. He stood next to our bed, looking intently at two shirts he had laid out. For a moment, I came back and all thought of College and my future went out the window. I walked behind him and wrapped my strong arms around him

"I like the Taking Back Sunday shirt," I cooed in his ear.

"You only like it because I had sex with you in that shirt."

"Yeah, so wear it."

"How about I just go into school naked," he leaned into my body, craning his head to look at me, "Or how about we just don't go in at all."

"I am feeling a little sick," I smiled, bringing my lips to connect with his, "I think I need some bed rest."

And like all the other times we made love, how we managed to get on the bed with our clothes off seemed to be a blur. I pinned Reno's small body on the bed with my own, smirking when his hips writhed and squirmed beneath. I figure you don't need to hear all the beautiful details of this rehearsed dance we performed once or twice a day (depending on how excited we were). However, something about this time made it stick out- I guess because it was the last time we really enjoyed it. Or maybe because it was drenched in guilt and he could feel it…like he knew without knowing. That's why his eyes, despite shining with pleasure, had this confused tint. I hated it. So I buried my face in the crook of his next to escape his silent interrogation, and continued my motions without a hitch.

It was close to emotionless, and though our physical craving was quenched something went wrong. It lacked something. Love? Of course love would be in there; I loved him no matter what I was going through, no matter how much he missed me off, and no matter how stupid I became after this moment, I loved it. Love doesn't die that easily. No, what went wrong was me; my regret, my guilt, just soiled the perfect moment. I felt guilty making love to him. And because of that, I fell back into that depression I seemed to have found myself in. I decided to lay in that bed, in the dark, not even bothering to clean myself up- something that Reno managed to pick up on.

"You okay honey?" I whispered in my ear, "You haven't been your-"

"I'm fine," I sighed, not looking in his eyes, but once again retreating to the beauty of the window, "I'm just stressed out."

"Sex is supposed to cure that," he laughed, "I'm going to make you some breakfast."

He left me alone, in that dark room, for me to make friends with the window once again. Like the little boy in me, I was hoping the scenery would give me an answer to all my problems. Only clouds graced me with their presence…dark clouds that refused to allow sunshine envelope the world. An omen; not the answer I was looking for.

I still had that habit of allowing one negative thing drag me into a deeper darkness. I used to say it was just me being a regular teenager- but it seemed to be a part of my personality. Perhaps something passed down from my real mother. I hated it, and yet I couldn't rid myself of that part of my personality. It dragged me down- and later on it would prove to me the most deadly part of my being. My inability to see the light- even the strongest tree dies without light. Just remember that.

So, the whole day I choose to lie in my bed and think unhappy thoughts. Reno didn't think much of it- when I was stuck in these moods he would just let me ride it out- and instead sat on our bed and played video games non-stop. And usually, that would be fine. Eventually the funk I was in would dissipate, and I would be fine again. Not this time. It hung on like it was a disease that couldn't be cured; it was painful, so much so that by noon I was ready to just give up and crawl in some dark area to die. Noon, that's when the mail was sure to arrive. And no I couldn't look at his face when he read off the addresses to all the schools I applied to- no I couldn't bare to witness to his shocked expression when I realized how far away I attempted to run. And so by noon I bolted into the shower to just to burn away the disease of guilt that was trying to rob me of my life….

I stood in the shower heaving as if I had been denied of air, allowing the scolding hot water pound my worthless excuse for a body. I don't know, maybe the burns would kill my sin. Wishful, childish, thinking on my part. I never said I grew out of my ignorance. I grabbed some shampoo and began furiously scrubbing my scalp for punishment- I remember it hurt like a bitch, but it was an alternative to cutting. I also never said I grew out of my obsession to inflict harm on myself. The only thing that stopped me was Reno's glare if he dared saw a fresh scar on my body. Senseless and painful scrubbing was the only way to cancel out the pain…

"Cloud can you come out here…"

Of his voice.

I gritted my teeth, washed out the remainder of soap in my hair, and turned off the shower. Heh, I thought all the while how nice it would be if I just slipped and hit my head- that would take care of anything. I, once again, never said I wasn't suicidal. I grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist, not even bothering to dry my hair that was dripping water onto my face and chest. It was now or never, I thought as I opened the bathroom door, expecting to lay eyes on a very pissed off red head. What I actually saw, was more horrifying.

There he was, calm, just staring on the envelopes that were clutched in his hands. His eyes were just numb; not even any anger glinted in his pretty green eyes. I could have handled his anger…

"I got into CSI," he stated dryly, "Looks like you didn't even apply there…"

I looked at the carpeted floor, "No I didn't…"

"But it does look like," he swallowed hard, "like you applied to Binghamton and New Paltz in Upstate New York, and Stoneybrook in Long Island, and Concordia in Canada." There wasn't even venom in his voice as he checked off all the colleges that sent me letters. He was beginning to realize, I didn't even apply to a single college in New York City and that every one of them were a minimum two hours away. Some were even seven hours or in completely other countries.

But he wasn't getting mad. He wasn't even making some sarcastic remark.

"Oh," he just said, laying the envelops on the bed, next to his discarded acceptance letter.

"Reno," I walked towards him, but he…backed away.

"I have to go, smoke a cigarette."

Without another word, he walked out the door- leaving me to once again dwell in my guilt.

I could have handled his yelling…

I could have handled his immature outbursts…

I could have handled…even his coldness….

But I couldn't handle…his walking out of my life.


	3. The Bad and the Ugly

Authors Note: Sorry for the delay, I had a massive case of fucking writers block. To make matters worse, writing essays for my English 151 class has proven detrimental to my writing talent. Blah. Hopefully you will like the update. Sorry again,

Chapter Three 

The Bad and the Ugly

I knew things were going to change once it became clear to Reno that I was not going to be staying in New York City for much longer. However, I never thought things would become forced between us. Don't get me wrong, we loved each other more than ever- that much was evident in our eyes when we happened to glance at one other in passing- but we wouldn't allow that little emotion become a reality. It was too hard. We acted the same, though, around our friends- holding hands, kissing, laughing- all in an effort to take suspicion off our doomed relationship. But that's all it had become, just an act in an effort to avoid our friend's songs of regret. Even when we fucked, it was just that, fucking. There was no emotion, no love in that bed, and we only fucked to satisfy that carnal hunger. Why we never broke up, that was the question. I think we were just afraid of being alone. I wish fear hadn't been the only thing that kept us together during that time.

As the days dragged on, this strained feeling between began to worsen and soon we started to avoid each other completely. Once we got home from school, our hands would quickly unlock and we would go to our respected corners and do meaningless things. He would sometimes play video games, and I would drown myself in my head phones- always wanting to say something, always wanting to apologizing…and never saying that simple word. We never talked after that…only grunts and one-word answers became the only comfort. The only time we were reminded of that silly love we shared, was when we slept in that bed that held so many wonderful memories. We would go to sleep on opposite sides…all in the corner, away from our bodies; but we would wake up, tangled in each others arms as if trying to hold on to the last bit of love. It was like…our heart and bodies were trying to show us something our selfish minds wouldn't- that we could have survived.

But life never got back to normal, no matter how many times we woke up in compromising positions of love; the damage to his heart was already done, and I was angry at him for not getting over it. I began to blame him. It was his fault why we never got back to normal, I thought, because if he really loved me…he would have let me go. If he really loved me as much as he claimed he did, he would have seen why I had to leave this place. The funny thing was, he knew exactly why I had to leave, he was just too stubborn to admit I was in some way right. Then again, I was too stubborn to voice that he was partly right…that's why instead of going to Canada for college, I went to Binghamton. A mere two hours away from the city I hated- I thought that could have been enough.

It wasn't and I didn't realize that until Prom- one week before graduation.

It was a Friday and we had all skipped school to "get ready" for prom. To be honest, only the girls had to spend six hours getting ready for this superficial dance, while we guys just cruised around Staten Island for what felt like the last time. I was kind of hoping that, as we drove around aimlessly, I would have felt something different when I stared out of the moving window- remorse perhaps? I wanted to see some secret beauty I hadn't seen in the almost eighteen years I had lived on this cursed Island. I didn't see anything that was going to make me stay here pass August. That is, until I dragged my eyes away from the window and laid them upon the red head sitting next to me. There he was, my only reason to abandon my dreams, leaning against my chest, his forehead against the crook of my neck and his eyes focused at the same Staten Island scenery. Perhaps it was the sunny day, or the romantic aura because of prom, but my frozen heart finally melted. I, then, did something I hadn't done in a long time, I kissed his head…and meant it- if that could make any sense.

At the rare display of emotion, Reno craned his next to look at me with perplexed eyes- as if the simple act had never been committed before. I could only smile at his the childlike innocence in his green orbs, and brought my lips to touch his…

"Ew, can you guys get off each other for a fucks second," Cid yelled from the front seat, earning some sparse laughs from the other boys that occupied the car with us- including Reno's dear cousin Rude.

What those boys didn't know was, that was the first time in two months we meant that kiss. For a second there, I thought everything was going to be okay between Reno and I.

The time ticked by slowly, and we returned to my house at three o'clock to six insane girls, with hair and makeup done up to the tee, running around in their underwear. It was quite an insane sight, and frankly one I could have done without. My mother was in happy spirits- I think all the young hearts around her made feel like she was eighteen again- and she quickly ushered the frantic girls into respect rooms while giggling like the rest of them. Cid ran out to pick up Rufus- that probably would have been an exciting conversation to spy on- while the rest of his hid in my basement to get ready. The other guys were having fun, joking, fighting…doing manly guy stuff, while Reno and I stood in the darkest corner…

"What was with that kiss before?"

The question came as a shock, and I ceased buttoning my shirt to throw him a confused, and somewhat offended, glare. "What? I can't kiss you now?" I tried to remain lighthearted and added a little chuckle- but Reno wasn't in a joking mood…

"You just haven't kissed me like that in a long time, it was just weird," he argued.

"Well I'm your boyfriend-"

"Then maybe you should fucking act like it."

I was blindsided- it felt as if he fucking punched me in the face. I was stunned, and before I could even counter with something even viler, he walked away- leaving me in a state of confusion, shock, and most of all anger. It wasn't the usual anger- the selfish one that seemed to pop up despite how much I wanted it to be gone- it was rage. I was physically angry at him for having the fucking nerve to utter those words. As if I was the one who had caused all the problems that plagued us, as if I was the only one turning away from our relationship, and as fucking if the tension between us was all my fucking fault…

And in some ways it was…

But I didn't think he had to right to speak like that…and I was too stubborn to let it go.

The act shattered. We didn't hold hands in pictures, we didn't make eye contact in the limo, and we barely touched each other, or acknowledged each other, once we walked on to that Party boat. Everyone noticed the tension, and how couldn't you? Once you saw us sitting at a table, alone, looking in opposite directions, with our eyes narrowed to explain the reasoning for this tension. However, with the prom being the most important of my friend's lives, they paid no mind to the drama that was Reno and I, and quickly scattered to their own sections of the boat.

I wanted him to say something to me….no I wanted him to apologize for being an ungrateful brat. But he didn't. Instead, when I finally turned to look at him, he scampered away to have fun on his one and only problem; while I, Cloud Strife, sulked like a baby in my seat. I half created the disaster I was in, but I was still too immature to admit it then, so instead I just blamed him. It was his entire fault right? For loving me so much he wanted me to stay? My anger towards him just grew and grew as I sat that that blasted table alone, ignoring the millions of obnoxious sounds around me. I wanted to throw him off the boat at one point- just end both our suffering.

He, unknown to me at the time, was going through the same emotions. As his anger grew, his will to have fun disintegrated, so by the time we to leave for the "after prom party" neither of us wanted to go; much to our friends happiness, as they were getting tired of us being kill joys.

He allowed the act to go on one more time as we waved our friends goodbye; we smiled…made some jokes…like the "makeup sex is gonna be awesome." If only that would have happened. No sooner did the Limo pull away, and the door to my house close, we were at each other's throats.

The anger that had been brewing had finally taken control. We stared at each other for, what seemed like, an eternity, waiting for the other one to say something…something that would, hopefully, lead to a fight. We wanted to tear each other apart because, ah, it would have been so satisfying. It sounds so horrible…ha, but as I stood there, staring into his wrathful green eyes, I was laughing to myself.

"You're an asshole," he said it, with venom on every word, "It's all your fault this happened."

"Oh, my fault," I hissed, "because you are an immature brat who can't handle me leaving. Obsessed much?"

I hit a nerve…I almost smiled, proud of myself for being so vicious. Hurting him felt so good; it was revenge for all the dirty looks and mumbles under his breath. Yes, see, I was in the right…

But I didn't have much time to dance in my glory. A fist connected with my face, sending me to the floor. I knelt on the wooden floor, stunned that the son of a bitch had the balls to hit me. Warm liquid dripped from my lip…the fucker made me bleed. I glared at Reno, who was clutching his fist, an amused look plastered on his face.

"You little shit," I spat, "how dare you fucking hit me!"

"Eye for an eye, bastard."

I snapped; I suddenly didn't care that I, at one point, loved the boy standing before me. He was a monster that I had a hand in creating, and I wanted to destroy him. Break him until he shattered like glass in my fists. I charged him, tackling his small body to the floor with a large thud. He instantly resorted to scratching my face, tearing skin as if it were paper. I gave up trying to hold down his flying arms, and instead punched him on the face…

His face snapped to the side, and blood oozed out of his nose. I could almost immediately see the ugly purple bruise that would form on his once unmarred face. He dropped his arms in defeat…and just laid there. His eyes were clenched tight, but from the small shaking I could feel, I could tell he was crying. I realized how much destruction I had caused…and though I was the one wearing the most wounds, he was the one suffering more. I got off him, and laid next to his beaten up body. I ran my fingers through his short red locks…

"Reno, honey, I'm so sorry," I whispered, kissing his lips forcefully, "I'm sorry for everything."

His bruised hands immediately clung to my jacket, burying his head in the crook of my neck as he sobbed almost uncontrollably. We laid together on the floor, ignoring the blood that seemed to run endlessly from both our physical and emotional wounds. I tried to think through the pain, what someone could do in my situation. I could leave still…or I could give up my dreams and stay. Enroll in CSI for a semester and convince Reno, this time, to come away with me. It would be better than leaving him broken and bruised on this floor while I lived my dream…

I didn't want to be selfish anymore…

I felt vibrations from his pants…his cell phone was ringing mercilessly. I would have thought nothing of the ringing phone- just dismissed it as Rude calling. But the way his trembling increased when the phone started ringing began to tell the story. I pulled away from him to look into his eyes; his eyes could tell me what I needed to hear.

His normally cool green eyes were wide with terror, as he tried to look away from me…

The rage was forming again…I could feel it surging through my blood stream.

"Aren't you going to answer it Reno," I growled, causing him to snap his head towards me.

"No," he shook his head, already reading my own blue eyes, "Don't Cloud…"

I violently dug through his pants for the stupid piece of metal. Reno, in response, kicked and tried to push me away- he was too week…too beaten up to stop me from figuring it out…

I pulled the phone out- he latched on to me for dear life, begging forgiveness in my neck- and I answered…

"Who is this?" I yelled.

"Is Reno there?" the smooth male voice responded, not fazed by the hate in my voice.

"No, who the fuck is this?"

The man laughed, mockingly, "His boyfriend. Who the fuck is this?"

I clutched the phone in my hand, begging my grip would break the thing, and looked at Reno. He was begging still, like a fucking dog. Begging me to forgive him for his sin. Crying that he was foolish. Temptation had taken over…he had to have some kind of real relationship. Because ours was a fucking joke.

His touch was disgusting…

I shoved his pathetic body away from me, throwing his sorry excuse for a phone at him..

I couldn't look at him…that broken child…

I didn't even want to know him.

I started upstairs…

"No!" He shouted, "I'm sorry! I'm fucking sorry, please forgive me."

He followed me; stumbling and crying like a child. Pleading! Ha, it was so amusing right? This was what I wanted! I wanted to see him break. I wanted to get him back for everything…for ever making me feel the way I did, for ever considering giving up my dreams for his worthless ass. Ah, for a second he was nothing to me…he was just some dumb boy who had preyed on my body and soul for almost two years. A parasite. And I was going to kill him.

I walked to my room, MY ROOM, the room I lived in before he started living with me and slammed the door in his face. Reno shouted and screamed like a manic now. He was loosing me, his life support. He scratched the door, kicked it, and punched it, anything to get the thing open. I put on my headphones, drowning out his cries for help…

I guess in the end, I was the one who walked out of his life.


	4. Forgotten Footsteps

_Authors Note: Yeah, I am not even sure if I am keeping this chapter so...be as honest as you want with this chapter _

_Chapter Four:  
Forgotten Footsteps._

Talking was a chore to Reno and I; one my own mother enforced every day. She was heartbroken when she heard of our breakup, even more when she saw the joint bruising on our bodies. She wanted to say something- perhaps to tell us we were foolish little boys and to get over our egos- but my father made sure she kept her mouth shut. It was our business and as a mother; she had to respect that. However, what she did do was force Reno to stay in the house, rent free, as long as he remained in college and stayed working at the grocery store.

That pissed me off to no end.

"I want him out of my house," I yelled at her as she slaved over hot oven to make Reno a birthday dinner. It was mid July at this point; hot, humid, and it added to my fevering temper.

"Sitting right here," my ex-boyfriend announced from the kitchen table; as if I didn't fucking smell his tacky axe cologne.

"Mom, Reno and I are no longer together! There's no reason for him to stinking up the place!" I growled at the last part, glaring at him furiously.

"You gave me this for Valentines day, dumbass!"

"Really, was it me or your fucking booty call?"

"Hm," he pondered sarcastically, "maybe it was. I don't remember you giving me such a fucking good orgasm"

The sound of my mother slamming a pot against the counter dragged us away from our fight. Our heads snapped towards her, feeling the anger and rage that was emitting from her side of the room.

"Listen," she hissed, "I don't care about your little drama. I don't care about who broke up with who, who cheated on who, and who decided to throw the first punch. Reno has no place to go. He has been in our lives for a year and a half and just because of a little breakup I am not casting him out into the street. So deal with it, both of you."

With a pleasant smile, she returned to her cooking, but not before adding in a low whisper, "you're leaving me anyway, let me at least keep one of my sons."

I didn't understand her attachment to Reno at the time; mainly because I was too caught up with my own loathing of the boy. However, I did accept her reasoning; Reno had nowhere else to go. No home, no family. He was abandoned by the people who raised him. And now, he was abandoned boy who loved him. All he had were the walls of this house to keep him safe and the love from my parents to keep him relatively sane. So, I let it go: I have them both their wish. I talked to him when my mother forced it upon us and I didn't complain at his presence in the house. But that was it. Anything beyond that would be painful.

I began to pray for the day when I could finally leave the house- and leave Reno- behind. I talked about it to all my friends until they were tired of hearing my voice. I walked around sporting a Binghamton T-shirt throughout the summer, ignoring the sad glace Reno would throw me every now and then. I knew if I ever looked into those sad green eyes I would forget everything. He had that effect on me Reno, if you haven't already gathered. He could make me crumple if he wanted to- maybe he should have.

Eventually, staying in that very house during the summer was a daunting task. I spent most of my time with Vincent, leaving Reno behind to do his own thing whatever it may have been- however destructive it was. I would leave my house early, sometimes as early as nine, to ensure I would avoid Reno roaming shirtless around the house. I had keys to Vincent's apartment that he now shared with no one ever since his grandmother was put in a nursing home. He didn't give me the keys because he was nice or anything, he just got tired of me banging on his half broken door early in the morning. He wasn't much of a morning person.

Anyway, I would come to his house early everyday. If I couldn't sleep I would make him breakfast so he would deem me useful enough to keep around. Most of the time I crawled into bed with him, just to experience the kind of closeness I had missed when Reno and I broke up. Vincent and I were best friends since the third grade; I never thought anything strange about it…

"Why do you come to bed with me?" He asked one day when I walked into his bedroom. He was sitting on his bed, his shirt off showing off his the muscles I never thought existed, and smoking a cigarette.

"I don't know," I shrugged, "Because I'm tired and your couch smells like dead rats."

"Heh," he snuffed the cig in the astray on his night table, "should have known it was something stupid like that."

I knitted my eyebrows together suspiciously, "You are acting weird." I took a seat next to him on the bed, studying his stern face to seek the answer to my question. Vincent always had a knack for hiding his emotions; made it terribly hard to figure out if he was being serious or not.

"I'm not being weird," he growled, "Just observing you."

"Well why?"

"Because you are a creature of habit. You are predictable, usually. I like predictable people. This is why I never liked Reno, because he isn't predictable."

"Heh, yeah well I can vouch for that."

Vincent looked at me, sharply, his crimson eyes burning into my blue ones. "But you do something strange now…you join me in bed, get as close as you can, and draw yourself in the most restless sleep I have ever seen. Twitching, mumbling, grabbing on to anything within reach like silent begging. Never before have you shared a bed with me, save for that night where Reno broke your heart the first time. Now this begs the question, are you only reaching for me because you don't have your little red headed boy toy-"

"Holy shit," I interrupted him, something I never did, but I couldn't control my outburst once I saw how his eyes tinted once Reno was mentioned. He never let any kind of emotion leak into his eyes- it was his strength. But I saw his eyes change to the deep green of jealously when the red head's name was mentioned. "You're fucking jealous? Of Reno?"

He pushed himself off the bed, instantly turning his back to me, "Why the fuck would you say that?"

"I saw it in your eyes," I laughed gently at the situation, "Why are you jealous of Reno?"

"I'm not jealous of Reno," he hissed, "Why would I be jealous of that fuckwit."

"We've been friends for ten freaking years! You can tell me why you are jealous, not like it will change our friendship."

He turned his head a little to look at me, intently, "really now?"

"Yeah, I mean," he was freaking me out, "I love you. You can tell me anything."

"…Close your eyes." It was a simple request, but the growl in his voice made it all the more strange. I eyed him suspiciously, but he was my friend…I could trust him. I pushed myself back against the wall and closed my eyes, wrapping myself in the darkness. I could hear him, from the creaks in the room, advance towards me…

I felt the bed go down in front of me; his hands grazing my chest as he crawled closer to me. One of his tone legs eased itself between my legs…shoulders against shoulders and forehead against forehead. I could feel his cool breath against my lips, sending shivers down my spine. My mind ceased to work in that moment and I completely disregarded the fact my best friend was on top of me…his lips inches away from my own. He stopped though, frozen in the moment; he was thinking…at a time like this? I laughed gently at his incapability to just let reason go. I closed the gap between us, entangling our lips in an awkward kiss. He tensed up at the first touch, but I ran my fingers through his short black hair to ease his nerves.

I deepened the kiss, pushing my tongue to graze his bottom lip, begging for the right to taste him…

But he suddenly pulled away, violently shoving my body against the wall, and stomped to his door. He swung it open, looking not at me but the old floor, "Get out."

I sat there, stunned, "What the fuck? You kiss me, then you throw me out?"

"I said," he growled, "Get the fuck out."

Anger flew throughout my body, boiling my blood and constricting blood flow to my brain. The chills that once danced down my spine were replaced with the pins and needles of frustration and confusion. I wanted to throw the boy against the wall and demand a fucking answer. I had enough shit on my plate; I didn't need my supposedly best friend playing mind games with my emotions. I picked myself off the bed, my head slightly throbbing from being rudely shoved into the wall, and stalked to the door. My blue eyes burned at him; questions like daggers silently attacked him, but he neither looked at me nor flinched. In fact, he never acknowledged my existence.

"Why?" I managed to say, "Why would you push me away like that."

"Because you still love **him**."

It wasn't the fact he was gay or bisexual, it wasn't even the fact that he silently wanted me. No. I was confused by how my past relationship with Reno would cause him to fly into a frenzy. In the past, I would have never placed him in the category of jealous best friend, or jealous admirer. But I guess I was just too stupid to see, to selfish to listen, and to arrogant to care. I had put so much of my energy into ensuring Reno and I would stay together forever like in those little fairy tales, I forgot to watch over the people who mattered most to me. Now I was being thrown out of my best friend's apartment; the only person I had in times of need.

"I can't believe you are jealou-"

"I'm not fucking jealous! Just get the fuck out of my house."

The blood flow to my brain was constricted remember, actually I don't think my brain was functioning at all. That was the only way I could justify what I said to him. "House? More like rat and invested apartment poor boy."

It wasn't until I was chased out of the apartment-when his door slammed shut and I heard the clank of a million locks- did I realize what I had actually said to him. I dropped down to a new low- now I was chasing my own friends away.

I banged on his door. "Come on Vincent, I'm sorry!" Nothing. Ha, was I actually thinking he would open the door for the likes of me? "Come on Vin-boy, you know you are my best friend. I'm sorry…I'm just pissed off…"

He wouldn't cry. Or be upset Or even look at me any different. That wasn't his style, this was Vincent. And even though he allowed himself to be vulnerable for a second, he would never do it again- not in front of me at least. He loved me, he would tell me later on, but it became too hard to hide behind a carefully woven mask and destroy the emotions in his eyes. He wanted me, they way I wanted Reno, and much like me…he ran away.

The next morning I came to his apartment, to apologize…no…to beg for his forgiveness and his affection. I couldn't promise love, oh I could never promise love to anyone but Reno, but I wanted the feeling again…feeling of being totally and completely high on the touch of another person. I knocked on the old wooden door three times, before a little old woman walked out of her apartment. She wrapped a sweater around her frail arms despite the sweltering heat, and adjusted her small glasses that had seen better days.

"He went away," she said slowly, "Left early this morning. Sent the rest of the rent to the landlord and ran off somewhere. He asked if I would wait for a boy with blonde hair to come around. I am guessing that I you."

I nodded, "yeah…do you know where he went?"

"Oh, I'm sorry dearly, he never told me. Just disappeared."

Disappeared. A memory. That's what he became. I part of me…wanted to follow in his forgotten footsteps.


	5. I'll Be Seeing You

Authors Note: Sorry for the long ass wait for the next installment. I had a battle with writers block; plus a couple of new stories surfaced that caused me to put DBE in the back seat. Here is the next chapter. Hope you like it.

Chapter Five

I'll Be Seeing You

The day had come for me to do my own disappearing act; and sadly I felt less excited about leaving than I hoped. I wanted to be bouncing off the walls like I was weeks before- rubbing it in Reno's smug face that I would be free from that chains called Staten Island. But with my best friend gone and the love for my ex-boyfriend still flowing in my veins, this day seemed more of a nightmare than a dream come true. And it fucking annoyed me to no end.

I packed my clothes in silence, trying desperately to dodge Reno's lingering gaze. I figured he decided to come in my room- after avoiding it for a month- to make one final plea to stay. I let him stay despite my mind screaming for me to cast him away; I wanted to see feel his beautiful aura one more time before I would abandon him in this god forsaken shit hole. But I couldn't look at him- no. He had those pitiful puppy dog eyes that screamed, "love me." And god I wanted to. To have him so close yet so far was unbearable; it drove me insane. As much as I wanted to hate him…

My eyes betrayed me and I found myself staring at the shell of a boy. He sat on my bed, some inches away from my old suitcase, staring at an old picture of us that stood on my desk. His eyes were faltering, watery and threatening to unleash the tears he never allowed to fall. His hair was tasseled- a mess- an unhappy change to his usually carefully styled short red hair. My eyes moved down to his clothing- a long sleeve band shirt adorned his finely toned body, while tight blue jeans hugged his hips perfectly.

"Isn't it hot to be wearing a long sleeve shirt?" I asked softly.

He didn't look away from the picture; just shrugged and responded dryly, "Maybe."

I knew what he was doing to an extent- you don't wear long sleeve shirts during the hottest month of the year for the fuck of it. I wanted to get mad at him for doing it to; yell and bitch because that was all I could do in situations I didn't understand. Just because I had a history of masochism didn't mean for a second I knew how to talk someone out of the deadly addiction. I closed the suitcase and walked in front of him- purposely obstructing his view so he would pay attention to me. His green eyes focused on my semi-loose white button down shirt; but his eyes fought with his mind to examine the rest of my body…fought with all it's life to keep from look into my eyes.

I placed my hands on his shoulder, " Reno, look at me?"

He shook his head slowly, "Don't make me-"

"Sh," I hushed his tremble plea, "Come to me Reno. I know it hurts…"

He cautiously arose from the bed, moving closer to seal the space with our bodies. I wrapped my strong arms around his trembling body and allowed his to bury his face in the crook of my neck. Strangled sobs echoed from him, as tears ran down his cheeks eager to escape the pain that tormented him inside. My hand tangled itself in his messy, unwashed hair that felt like heaven against my rough fingers; I could always find some comfort in his hair. The first part of him I fell in love with.

"Don't leave me here," he muttered desperately against my neck, "don't abandon me!"

" Reno," I choked, pushing back my own tears- I didn't want the scene to get any more melodramatic. I could almost hear the emo music playing relentlessly in the background. "I am not abandoning you…" yes I was, "I have to go. I have to experience life outside this city. You know that…"

I paused, gathering up my thoughts that lay scattered throughout the floor like discarded pieces of a puzzle- missing pieces, thoughts that could never come together. I had destroyed the piece that tied everything together.

"You could have came," I whispered, my breath hitting his hair roughly.

He froze- I could feel the tense anger take over his sadness. His voice became rough suddenly- like shards of glass was his breath against my neck- as he said with poison, "You never told me you wanted to go away. **You lied to me." **

I was supposed to be his husband, I guess one would say, the only person in the world he could depend on. I lied to him, in a sense I lied to myself. I broke promise after promise as if it was so easy; turned my back because I could not bear to see the light that threatened to expose my shadows. Silent waves of anger flew through my own body- but it was anger towards myself, for the first time. I was angry that I had done almost exactly what he did to me during the whole Shinra ordeal. I lead him on, I toyed with his emotions, I lied him, and I allowed another medium tell him why. I was not just a liar…I was worse. I was a fucking coward.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say, but those were useless words against this situation. I untangled myself from him, reluctantly. I watched with sad eyes as his arms fell limp next to him, his head hanged in mock shame- the tears had stopped and replaced with glass eyes that wanted to shatter so he could be blind to this betrayal. I grabbed my suitcase, still looking at his cracked form, and made my way out of my room. I slowly walked backwards, as if I pressed rewind on a DVD player, watching all the memories flood my head. All the good memories: when he returned from California, when we drunkenly got married, when I made love to him on the floor...in my bed…in his bed. I remembered the way he laughed every time I made his bed squeak; the way he would throw his head back when I made him scream my time…the way I would kiss him so I can feel his pleasure run through my own body…

I remembered when I first called him my boyfriend. I remembered the passion in our very first kiss…I remembered the chills that ran down my spine when I first heard his irresistible voice. I remembered the first time I laid eyes on him…when I first swear I fell in love with him…

My back hit the door, sending some strained tears to eject themselves from my eyes. My last memory…how much I destroyed him.

-

The two-hour car ride to Binghamton was in tense silence. My father made few attempts to strike up a conversation with his only son- even going so far as to try to talk about gay sex and how to protect myself from HIV. I think I glared at him when he brought that up- he had that conversation with me at least twice a week. Eventually he gave up trying and turned on the radio to try to drown out the loud silence.

I looked out the window and watched the trees zip by like blurry memories. The sun had begun to set, painting the sky in majestic colors such as orange, pink and purple. The dark blue of night, however, was following the suns set, adding some kind of fantasy to picture. I sighed and wonder why I was so focused on the fucking sunset. What was so amazing about light being chased away by the deep, unnatural, darkness? I snapped my head away from the sight and focused on the road ahead- the present, the now. The road was black- streetlights seemed nonexistent- and branches canopied the road leaving no room for the stars to shine dull light upon us.

"You're running away," my father spoke, "why?"

"I don't really need this dad," I countered with a slight growl, "I'm not running away, I'm making a life for myself."

"And that's all fine and dandy," he sighed, "and trust me, I was happy when you said you wanted to go away. But, I can't help but think it is for all the wrong reasons."

I rolled my eyes, "And what reasons do you think that is?"

"I think you just wanted to get away from Reno."

My eyes wilted to my lap, where they focused on the song playing softly on my ipod. Our song. The one he would whisper in my ear after we made love. Demolition Lovers. Such a beautiful song despite the violence in the words. Blood, bullets, betrayal. How could someone write a song like that; better yet, how could someone deem this song a tune to represent their love. But it was true, wasn't it? I did end my days with him…I ended them in a hail of bullets that were loaded with my lies. And in this pool of our blood- our love- we laid dead. I quickly moved past the song- the song "Pretty Handsome Awkward" glaring at me with the venom in its words. I couldn't escape the darkness that stalked me.

-

My dad made sure I was settled into my room before he left to spend a night at a motel. His departure was awkward, to say the least. I was leaning against the threshold of my room, my father in the hallway, staring at me for what seemed like an eternity. His eyes were sad- watery, but the tears would not come. He was too proud of a man to shed any tears in public; and I guess I couldn't blame him. But I could sense he was torn, from the way he sadly smiled at me.

He didn't say it then, but I could hear his thoughts. He wondered where the years went; yesterday I was just an eight year old boy who wanted to play baseball and GI Joes. Who thought girls had cooties and boys were just friends. Now I was eighteen- an adult. I didn't play sports anymore, and my action figure days ended at fourteen. Girls still had cooties, but boys weren't "just friends." I was his only son- only child from that matter. I wasn't going to be what he wanted; I wouldn't follow in his footsteps, I wouldn't inherit any trait from him save for his eyes and his hair. In the end, that was all we had in common in the end. Our looks; but looks are only skin deep.

But I guess I had to give him some kind of credit in the end. He knew I would never be what he wanted, and instead of replacing me- like Reno's parents did- he dealt with it, and he got over it eventually.

"If you need anything," he began, but I cut him off.

"I know, dad," I said, "I'll call you."

He placed his hand on my shoulder, roughly…but soft at the same time. "Cloud, I am very proud of you- I hope you know that."

"Yeah," I smiled, still looking at the ground, "Thanks dad."

We said our good byes and I watched him walk down the hallway. I pouted for some ungodly reason and disappeared into my room; shutting the door after me. I didn't lock it in case my roommate showed up- I was kind of pissed I had to share a room with someone else. I apparently didn't play nice with others. I didn't dwell on it though; the school conducted a special interview to ensure I was paired with someone who had similar interest. So I guess he couldn't be so bad, right? Like…the male version of Amy from History. I shudder at the thought!

I threw my suitcase on my bed and started shifting through my clothes and other items. The room itself wasn't so bad for a dorm room, I have to say. There were two beds- one on either side- two light wood dressers that stood next to our beds, and two large desks that were leaned against the ends of the bed. The closet space was pretty big, and we had a mini-fridge/microwave combo that stood proudly in between the said dressers. The room was bare and plain at the moment, but we were allowed to put posters and other pictures up as long as they weren't insulting or vulgar. We were also able to bring our own bedding; mind was cliché black and red…kind of disgusted me for some odd reason, but I tried to get over. It reminded me too much of home, I guessed.

I folded my clothing in silence- dully noting how quiet it was in the dorm…it was almost unsettling. However the silence was soon disturbed by someone barging into my room. I jumped in mock fight, and jumped back to get a look at the stranger who rudely entered my room- I seriously almost died on the spot when I laid my blue eyes on familiar man.

"Strifey, my boy," he said in his normal Brooklyn accent. I scanned his body, trying to figure out if I was hallucinating. Ripped blue jeans from Abercrombie, check. Bright red shirt with a crude saying, check. Male engagement ring still elegantly placed on his left hand, god fuck check. And finally, small green eyes that looked amused at my current state of shock and awe. Check. Check. Fucking Check.

"Cid!" I practically shouted, "What the flying fuck are you doing here!"

He let out a hefty laugh at my expense, "I go to school here, silly boy!"

"Oh god no! Are you my roommate, to!"

He rolled his eyes, "Fuck no, I'm down the hall. My roommate is a goddamn nut job, so I decided to go for a walk, and found your pops. He told me where your room was, so I decided to pay you a visit."

I sat on my bed and glared at him. " Reno told you I was going here, didn't he?"

I hadn't told anyone where I was going to college for a reason; a reason that was shot to fucking hell, now that Cid Highwind was standing in my room, amused.

"Yeah. He did."

"So, you abandoned staying at CSI with your fiancé to come annoy me?"

He stalked over to me, kicking me playfully in the knee, "Fuck no! We both decided to go to different school. You know, that whole distance makes the heart grow fonder bull. Whatever, it'd be fun. You know; you, me. The babes and I guess for you, the dudes."

I groaned and flopped on my bed, ignoring the shift in weight when he sat on the edge. I stared at the obnoxious white wall with growing hatred, until he said…

"Plus…you have to remember where you came from, Cloud. Even if Staten Island is a shit place and even if you were hurt there…you have to remember your past. If you don't, your future won't be as bright as you want it to be."

I turned to look at him, "Is that why you followed me? To make sure I never forget who I am?"

He looked at his engagement ring with unnatural sad eyes, "Yeah…and so that you would be here to remind me…where I came from…and who I left behind."

I looked at the empty space on my own ring figure- the space that still had a faded outline at the object that used to occupy its space. The object that had once represented the blood, the love, and the tears that went into that relationship. "You mean…who we left behind."

the object that used to occupy its space. The object that had once represented the blood, the love, and the tears that went into that relationship. ⌠You mean┘who we left behind.■


	6. I Had An Earthquake On My Mind

Authors Note: Okay, a little quicker this time- hopefully I haven't lost too many fans of this series. Kinda sucks how I am not getting alot of reviews I know it is starting out slow, but it is going to get better. I hope. 

Chapter Six 

I Had an Earthquake on My Mind 

And you would think being two and a half hours away, trapped in the thick farm land that no way reminded me of the metallic city I loved to hate, the boy with the cherry color hair would be nothing more than a faded memory. That's what's supposed to happen, right? Leave for college- party all night, study all day, high school life becomes a lost note in an old song. Forgotten. But Reno seemed to be the song stuck hopelessly in my head.

I thought of him during my conscious time- his image distracting me from boring lectures and endless homework. When I slept, my dreams were slashed by broken memories of me and the boy. I would awake with the tingle from his lips still lingering against my wanting mouth. It was truly torture and my need for his voice only grew with every second I was away.

I attempted to drown out his thought with mindless activities with Cid- only to have every activity remind me of what Reno and I had. Had…before I fucked it up. Maybe my father was right; maybe I was running away for all the wrong reasons. Maybe I had wanted to get away from Reno- because maybe in that fucked up little head of mine I thought somehow I was missing something. A relationship meant restrictions- and Reno and I set those young, sixteen…babies. There was a whole world outside Staten Island that I needed to explore…and I thought I couldn't explore it with Reno by my side. Maybe I was wrong…because I have come to believe I am often never right. I hated to think I was regretting my decision...no…I was regretting not including my love in my journey.

But that was over now, right? Because I was already two and a half hours away physically and years away emotionally.

I sat in the lounge area of our dorm, with Cid, half watching some stupid show that a couple of girls forced us to put on. The curse of sharing a TV room with about a fifty other people; the fights for control of the channel…something an only child like me wasn't particularly used to. Especially since Reno and I shared the same taste in television. Of course, I don't exactly think they were as interested in the show as they had previously hinted to, as their flirtatious giggles regularly reached my ears and forced me to look in their direction; only to see them eyeing me up like I was some fucking piece of jewelry they wanted daddy to buy. I could feel it…it was only a matter of time when the show would be over, and they would prance towards Cid and I, and attempt to start a conversation…

Flirting…

Touching…

Winking…

The entire thought made me cringe in disgust. I didn't want some chick who looked a damn Paris Hilton clone even to look in my general direction, let alone try to lead me into her fucking pants. I glanced at Cid who seemed to notice the two girls were eyeing him up as well, and to my surprise…wasn't exactly ecstatic about it.

"You see those chicks right?" I whispered.

"Yeah, they ain't my type," he shrugged and returned to fiddling with his phone.

"Didn't you bang chicks like them in high school?

"No!" He shifted uncomfortably, throwing another glance at the two girls- who had proceeded to fix their hair mindlessly- and returned his gaze on me. "Okay, maybe, but my type has changed. Plus, I am with Tifa!"

"Since when has that ever stopped you!"

"Well now it does, I love her," he gently punched my arm, "now shut the fuck up!"

"I can't, what if they come over here, what am I supposed to say?"

"Uh, how about: 'Hi, I'm Cloud and I'm fucking gay," he whispered harshly, rolling his eyes at me. I scoffed and pretended to suddenly be interested in the sidekick I had gotten for my birthday.

"I'm not just gonna announce my sexuality to a bunch of chicks I just met," I argued, playing with my phone.

"Oh grow up, Strife," Cid countered, "it isn't that big of a deal. If anyone has a problem with it, you punch them in the nose. The End. Don't act like being gay is that much of a taboo anymore."

"Uh, need I fucking remind you, my boyfriend and I were almost killed because of our sexuality!"

"Well you aren't in Staten Island anymore. You aren't in High School. You are in college and things are different."

Cid pulled his gaze away from his own phone and placed his greenish blue eyes on my somewhat smaller form, "and he is your ex-boyfriend, Cloud."

"Yeah," a sigh escaped my chapped lips and I looked back at my friend, "I forget that sometimes."

We sat in silence for the duration of the show- he talking to Tifa via text messaging and I staring at my phone, debating whether or not I should sign onto AIM, where no doubt Reno's screenname would pop up immediately. That screen name…_CherrySodaBoy1115_…the name I would call him during our down time; the date he and I first went out. The first time I admitted my growing feelings for him. It was stupid…such a stupid fucking screen name; I mocked him for a week after he chose it! But he didn't care…he just smirked and told me he liked it…because _I _called him that.

My Cherry Soda Boy.

I winced as the memory attacked me; pouring salt in the wounds that had not yet been healed. Opening the scabs. Creating more cuts. More wounds. It was so utterly dramatic, but I guess that's what love does to someone. It tears them apart, before stitching the up...only the rip the thread again. But in between those times of pain, there was that beautiful moment of bliss…where everything finally falls into place. Where your heart only flutters against your chest, where your eyes shine against the deep darkness of life. Where even the worse possible day could be saved with nothing more than a glance and a touch. And fuck, how I longed for those days to return to me- to heal these painful wounds once and for all.

No, I didn't want to be numb…I wanted to feel. I had grown up…I wanted to live- with him by my side.

"Talk to him," Cid's voice reached my ears, "IM him and just tell him how you feel. Just because you are far away doesn't mean you can't together somehow."

"I thought you hated him?" I looked at Cid, his normally rough features softened under my still gaze and I could feel that paternal aura erupt within him.

"Yeah, I do…sometimes, but I saw how happy he made you and well," he sighed, running his fingers through his choppy hair, "and honestly, I am sick and tired of you being all fucking down and dramatic. Honestly, these are the best years of your life, and here you are, acting like it's the end of the fucking world. Seriously, either talk to the damn kid or I will have to fucking kill you."

I stared into Cid's dull eyes trying to figure out if he was serious or not. I mean, Cid is kind of like…crazy…I mean, I could totally see him murdering me and hiding the body. He is Irish or something. Don't they have a mob? Yeah! And they are a little crazier than the Italians, so lord knows what he would do to me. Shoot me in the head, have wild cats maul me to death, lock me in a room with Britney Spears. I mean, the ideas are endless!

"You aren't-"

"Oh, yes I am! And my father is a cop…just remember that."

We stared at each other for a few more minutes- he was clearly enjoying the mock staring contest we were engrossed with, since he knew he was about to win. He was write- that fucking son of a bitch was right. I was brooding over a boy who wasn't millions of miles away; who was practically five minutes away once you think about it. He wasn't dead! Our relationship wasn't dead even if I was in college. I was fucking up my life because I thought I murdered his. I didn't…not yet at least. Not ever I hoped.

I brought my gaze back to the phone, and took a deep breath. I hadn't spoken to him in close to two months; would he even remember?

_Hey, Reno…I miss you terribly… _

So simple…no I love you because this wasn't the time for "I love yous." Because we both knew it would be too melodramatic and cliché. Because I did that before right? I didn't want to throw that word around anymore- no more giving false hope. Not to me or him. I pulled my eyes away from the IM box, to the TV were the show had finally ended. The credits rising up, and the theme music played- filling the small lounge with the obnoxiously upbeat music. Upbeat…because it wasn't over. Because even though the closing credits were flashing on the screen, next week that show will be back…the characters still alive. Maybe there was hope…

Wow, that a fucking stupid analogy. God, I am getting rusty with this shit…

The sound of the IM brought my eyes back to the phone, where flashing on the screen were equally simple words…

_Come back to me… _

Even if the ending credits had risen…there was hope we would be back…


	7. Midnight Calls To Remind Us

Chapter Seven 

Midnight Calls to Remind Us

From awkward AIM conversations, came the begging of phone calls; the need to feel our voices travel through our bodies. The lust for those static vibrations. Fuck it, I want to hear my name travel through his mouth. He was the only one who could say my name so perfectly-the only one. I wanted to speak to him, but I was afraid that hearing that heavenly voice would awaken all the bad memories that I seemed to link with him. Who wouldn't after the way things went down? Sure, our AIM conversations held no fights, but the phone is a much different case. Those voices that harbored so much love; harbored so much pain- and I didn't want to fight with him anymore.

However, I couldn't deny that his voice was slowly becoming a distant memory in my head. The voice that had been, at one point, the only music I could allow in my head was dying with every day I traveled this world without it. I knew he felt the same, to an extent. He never said it out loud- due to pride, I guessed- that he wanted me to call, or that he even missed my voice. But I could tell with every slowly thought out line he would punch through aim, he didn't want to be lost in the jumbles of text that clouded my scream. He wanted to be the voice inside my head.

There were times I considered calling him. It was getting more frequent as Thanksgiving was lingering around the corner like an assassin. My mother already called me to yell at me for not accepting her invite to Thanksgiving dinner, and then proceeded to threaten me over the phone- that if I didn't join her she was going to┘I know now┘kill me or something. I kind of tuned her out. Anyway, Reno was still living with my parents, meaning he was going to be there, meaning I had to see him again anyway, so what was keeping me from really calling him? Should I just get it the fuck over it┘so that there were no surprises when I returned home? That was logical.

In a way, however. There was also the side of me who felt that putting a face to the voice was much better than just making him a disembodied voice over a telephone.

But as I stared at my cell phone, the need to hear him speak over took all logic and sanity, and at three in the morning, I dialed his number. As each ring dragged out, I realized I had absolutely nothing to say to him! I could confess my undying love with the word vomit that hung in my throat; but wow wouldn't that be fucking over dramatic.

"You better have a good fucking reason to be calling at three am," the groggy voice of Reno echoed.

"Uhh, I uh," I slipped on my words, "Yo!"

There was a deep silence on the other end of the line, and I feared that I had jumped the gun by calling him. Maybe he was just as scared as I. Maybe he wasn't fucking ready to hear my voice and have those old scars that were most likely still bleeding to be re-opened. Maybe he was still, deep down, pissed off at me for leaving him behind. I couldn't blame him for that anymore- no, 'cause I know for a second if he had done the same, I would have flipped out. I finally managed to acknowledge it was my entire fault┘

"Hey baby," he said doubtfully. The nickname awoke those little butterflies in my stomach, and I tried to suppress the school girl giggle that threatened to fall from my mouth- god, he still had that affect on me.

"How are you?" I asked, "Sorry I called so late."

"Nah, it's cool," he yawned, "I was thinking about you."

"Oh! Me to, I mean thinking of you, not of me. That would be weird if I was thinking of me, right?"

There was another lengthy pause, but I could here him snickering in the background, "Oh god, Strife, you act like you and I never fucked before."

I clenched my jaw, "I am not acting like anything."

"Dude, you sound like some thirteen you old girl talking to her crush," he snorted, "or in your case- you when you met Gerard Way!"

"Oh my God! Do not bring that up!"

"I can't believe you told him you loved him!"

"I didn't say it exactly like that, you are exaggerating!"

He cleared his throat and attempted to impersonate my voice- as if he could! "Oh, Gerard Way, I love you so much, even though this is my boyfriend standing next to me, I'd rather fuck you than him."

"I did not say that!" I shrieked, causing my roommate to throw a shoe at me head.

"Okay, maybe you didn't, but I don't doubt that's what you meant."

I huffed, blowing a flew strands of my choppy blonde locks out of my eyes. I listened to his static laughter for a few moments, just basking in the beauty of his voice. It was relaxing listening to him sound so happy, though it was at my expense. I couldn't lie though; I'd rather he find happiness in laughing at me, than anger in the memories that were most likely awakened the moment he head my nervous voice. I smiled, as he continued his relentless mocking, not even bothering to tell him to "shut up" as I would have done several months ago.

"Cloud," he finally said, slowly...pronouncing my single syllable name as if it was attached to royalty.

"Yeah, Reno?"

"Why did you really call?"

It as a loaded question- one I didn't have the automatic answer to. I called for many reasons, right? I called to hear his voice, to see if I could deal with listening to him before I could actually see him, to hear him say my name. No, there was no specific reason- then again, why else would I call at such a late hour, on a school night no less.

"I love you," I mumbled into my cell phone. Okay, yeah, over dramatic. Whatever. You sit there and tell me there is not one person you would like to call and say those words to? I had to say them- they were tearing me apart on the inside. I couldn't help but love him, despite every punch, and ever stab, and every time he hurt me. I feared that I was never going to get over him; what was the point of fighting it, anyway? Why, so I could sit there and be miserable? God, maybe Cid was right about me, which fucking freaked me out- I hated when that fucker was right. Especially about me! It was like┘he was in my head or something.

"I know," Reno sighed, "I know you do."

I scrunched my nose, "How do you know I do?"

"Well...you kind of just said it, you know."

"Yeah, guess I did." That's when it hit me- he wasn't going to say them back. I swallowed back the pain that had gathered in my chest and threatened to attack that beating organ that was the source of all the trouble in my short life. I heard him sigh; he knew I wanted him to say them back and to reassure me that everything was going to be okay between us. I remembered the prom-night phone call. The boy on the other line who dubbed Reno his boyfriend. Did he already replace me with some nameless no body from a drunken night out? Was I that easy to replace? Maybe I was...maybe I was the only one still holding on to the slim fairy tale like hope.

Fairy tales are fairy tales for a reason.

"Don't be like that," he whispered, "You know..."

"Then say it." I huffed and gritted my teeth to prevent myself from saying anything that would start a potential fight. He was still hardheaded and stubborn- that much was certain from his venting about teachers at CSI- and if I said anything to piss me off, he would have no problems getting in my face about it. Even over the phone.

"No," he argued, "I will not say it."

"Why not?"

I could almost feel him flash me that lopsided smirk he was infamous for. "Because, the static of the phone doesn't make it sound as beautiful."

My body felt high, and I honestly thought I could float away in that moment. I smiled like an idiot and tried to find the words to respond to that; but I couldn't. There was nothing to say after that┘he summed up every thing I had been feeling in just a few words. He was right, to; love just didn't sound as beautiful over the phone.

"I'll see you at Thanksgiving," he got me; I knew that. But I have wanted him to capture me since I first met him, right? No matter how dangerous.

"Yeah, you will."

"I'll talk to you later then, bye Cloud."

"Bye Reno..."

I flipped my phone closed and placed it back on my night table. I stayed into the darkness that loamed outside my window for several minutes. It was so dark in Upstate New York- not even street lamps seemed to wander in this place after hours. The stars twinkled overhead offered little light despite how bright they seemed to shine against the untouched night. No artificial lights to chase away their bluish light. I couldn't help my remember something he said so long ago: "Light can be good and light can be bad." Did that me darkness could be the same? Was it sometimes better to hide in the shadows, ignoring the truth that was sure to come out? Ignorance is bliss they say- I couldn't help but think that applied to us in that moment.

But if it meant I would be happy for a few more days, I would take it.

Even though the consequences were much more horrible the second time around.


	8. Inked

**Authors Note from Beyond the Grave: Okay so, Dark Blue Eyes was a year old yesterday. Which, is cause for some celebration, but also shows how pathetic I have been with the updates. Only Eight updates in a year. Yeah, that's bad even for me. Well, the good news is, I finished one of my other stories over a called Nanashi, so now all I have are three stories and two joint stories to focus on. Hopefully the updates will come a little more quicker. Note I said hopefully. I am starting to get back in the groove with this story, so I am hoping it works out. If anyone wants to read the original version of Cherry Soda Boy, head over to username Sardonic Grin- and check it out. It's a cool site for creative writing, so feel free to join the community! It's awesome, high recommended. So, without further conversation, here is Chapter Eight of Dark Blue Eyes.**

_Dedicated to Nikki: who I will love despite, inspite, because of, everything. _

Chapter Eight

Inked

The good thing about Cid being at my school was the fact I had my own personal chauffeur now. He didn't exactly mind me using him for his car; it only meant he now had a designated driver for every time he wanted to get drunk. Whatever, the relationship worked for us- and it was better leaving Cid to his own devices. He was a terror. Plus, it meant I had my own ride home from school- meaning I would avoid that awkward conversation with my father about college life. I really didn't want to tell him that his only son was an utter failure when it came to college. Sure, my grades were immaculate- especially English- and I was well on my way to joining the school's newspaper- on my way meaning I walked past the room twelve times with the full intention of going in and joining…totally…I'll do it after the break- but I wasn't exactly Mr. Social Butterfly. In the two months of school, the only other friend I had made, besides Cid, was my roommate who was captain of the lacrosse team, and homophobic. Now, I don't mean like "oh my god, you are gay, wait here while I get my bat" kind of homophobe; just the thought of two guys kissing freaked him out beyond belief. It was probably the reason why he avoided inviting me to parties unless I was within earshot of some guy bragging about a dorm keg. It was a friendship of pity if anything.

On the subject of parties- didn't really get invited to them. Yeah, creepy gay kid who sits in the corner and broods doesn't get invited to parties. However, his straight friend who is getting on the fucking baseball team, oh yeah he gets invited. Yeah. Cid drags me along, but like I mentioned above, just to be his designated driver and watch as he drowns himself in beer.

Whatever, not like I really cared. Right? Okay, fuck it-I cared. I guess some part of me wanted to be almost as popular as Cid or my roommate, and get invited parties, or the movies, or whatever these teenagers do these days. I knew Reno got invited to a lot of parties from how his name would often be absent from my buddy list until four am. What was I? Some walking disease that no one wanted to hang out with?

"It's cause you are so cold and brooding," Cid said on the drive home, "you have this like wall up that no one can get past."

"I do not," I whined and shifted in my seat, "I am perfectly normal."

He snorted, "Sure. You know the main reason why people avoid you in our dorm?"

"Enlighten me."

"Well, one of the dorm bunnies who shares an English class with you, saw a very nasty story you were writing- that involved burning down a city, blood, guts, and random sex in the middle of it all." He threw me on of his fatherly looks- that was downplayed thanks to the smirk that stretched across his face.

"Fuck," he groaned, "that was totally misconstrued! The burning city represented their passion, and the blood was just…apart of the rabid bloody sex they were having."

"Did it also involve two guys?"

I shifted in my seat again, "Perhaps. Would that have added to my social ostracizing?"

"Possibly. Some which southern bell peers over a sexy blonde boy's shoulder to see he is writing about two guys having sex in the middle of a burning city? That's got that be traumatic."

"Let me guess then, she was a cheerleader?"

"Worse! Co-editor of the newspaper! She was the one who wrote the article about how 'non-Christian acts around school were tearing down the structure of our find learning establishment.' You were her muse. Congratulations. You pissed off God!"

I snorted, "Yeah well, wouldn't be the first time." I pulled out a cigarette from my pocket and placed it between my lips, "I guess that also goes my chance of getting on the school's paper."

"Well, the other editor isn't so much of a bitch. What's her name? Nicole or something. She is all about serious news and shit. I think she is actually moving to dismiss the southern bell from her post."

I lit the cancer stick and shot my friend a confused glance, "How the fuck do you know all this?"

"Well," he smiled, "I am rather popular."

"Yeah, but that's only cause no one knows you peed your pants until you were nine," I inhaled the death, feeling the smoke run through my body and infect me with murky blackness, before releasing it from my thin pink lips.

"Shut up," he growled, "I can't believe you know about that!"

"Well, you do say the strangest shit when you're drunk."

Cid, now tired of my witty banter, shoved in one of his CDs and hit play, "Oh shut up, Strife."

The rough tunes of The Used filled the car- and I partially knew he put on this specific band because they were rivals to my favorite band. Whatever. If he wanted to be the Bert McCracken, to my Gerard Way, I'll just have to bend him over the kitchen table later…

Oh god, that's sick even for me.

-

The normally two hour drive turned into a three and a half hour drive, so you could imagine the mood that Cid and I were in by the time we arrived to my overly decorated mansion in Staten Island, New York. However, even if our pissed off moods, we seemed to mask them once we got to my end of the island- we had to put on happy faces for our parents, right? Wouldn't want the "bad attitude" lecture five minutes after walking through the door, right? I stood in front of Cid's car, burning a hole into the new dark wood door with the stain class window, holding my black duffle bag filled with clothes and books.

"What are you going to do when you get in there?" Cid asked. He was sitting in the divers seat, his door opened, smoking a cigarette; I think he wanted to rest his legs before he continued driving…the paranoid in me would say he wanted to witness my breakdown.

"Say hi to my familiar; be bombarded by kisses and hugs. My mom will probably throw something at me for not calling her."

"And what are you going to say to Reno?" He smirked and took a drag from his cigarette.

I was stuck. I didn't think of one thing to say to that boy except cliché nonsense that probably wouldn't do either of us any good. But if I didn't get down on my knees and confess my undying love for him, what else was I going to do? Stand there awkwardly for five days. Exchanging glances of want, need, hope? Would we make small talk about school, and pretend to be interested in the false words coming from our mouths rather than how beautiful our lips would move together. I groaned. I was stuck. Hopelessly stuck.

"What don't you just tell him you love him?"

I looked at Cid slightly confused, "Isn't that like a bad chick flick?"

"Isn't it a little melodramatic playing this 'I can't love you' role, Cloud?"

My gaze fell to the dirty converse sneakers that adored my feet; he was right again, then again I have come to believe he often was when it came to me. It was scary, and I partially hated having Cid know me so well- but I guess that was the blessing and the curse of having a best friend who is aspiring to be a cop. I sighed and looked at him once more. "Maybe."

He shook his head and smiled, "You know I am right. Whatever. I better get going, I have to pick up Tifa from hell, then go to my parents. Call me over the weekend, let's see if we can bother Barrett for a few hours, yeah?"

"Sounds good," I smiled weakly.

"Good, I'll see you later."

The car started, and he flew down the street without bothering to acknowledge any other human life that would possess the streets. I looked back at the house that harbored so many different memories, I couldn't shake the feeling that I would run all the way back to school and never look back. But that would be the coward's way out- plus it was fucking freezing, no way in hell I was walking anywhere in this fucking weather. So, I took a breath, and walked up the cobblestone path that lead to my stoop. As I ascended the little stairs, the door flew open and my mother was there with a big smile on her face.

"My baby boy!" She squealed and attacked me with hugs and kisses, "Oh, I missed you so much!"

I returned the hug and smiled, "Thanks mom, I missed you too."

She pulled away and examined me, "You look thinner. Are you eating right?"

"Probably not," I smirked, "but with your cooking, when did I ever?"

She playfully glared at me before bopping me on the head, "I never cooked! Such a…I don't even know what to say. Come on, get in, it's colder than your grandmother's heart."

I laughed and walked into the warm house, that was fully decorated with paper Turkeys, leaves, and red and yellow lights. I arched an eyebrow at how my mother got into the holidays now that she was sober. It was pretty horrifying. No, seriously, she had a wooden recreation of the Thanksgiving Feast on our coffee table. But, all in all, it was pleasant to walk into a house that felt like an actual home for once- so I took it despite my mother's insanity.

"Where's dad?"

She took my duffle bag, and threw it by the stairs quite unceremoniously, "Oh he is at work right now. Working extra late so tomorrow he won't be called away during Thanksgiving Dinner like last year."

She knew the next question that pulsed against my lips, but before she had a chance to answer, the boy that had plagued my mind descended the stairs. He stopped midway, somewhat stunned that I had showed up I figured. I was stunned at how amazing he looked. No. He didn't change much. His unruly red locks were still short and wispy- falling right above his perfectly arched eyebrows. He looked leaner, with a few defined muscles poking out from a white shirt that adorned his chest. I took careful notice on how accentuated every curve of his waist. He was as beautiful as the first day I laid eyes on him.

"Well," my mom said, planting a small kiss on my cheek, "I'll start dinner and let you two catch up."

When she left, we met at the bottom of the stairs- staring as if we had seen a ghost. I stopped mere inches from his body, watching as his eyes fluttered closed when our bodies briefly touched.

"Hi," he whispered hoarsly.

"Hey," I said, cautiously caressing his arm with my fingers. "What's up?"

"….Nothing…"

We couldn't take the distance, and suddenly my arms were around his waist, pushing his lips onto mine. Reno wasted no time throwing his arms around my neck and deepening the kiss with the introduction of his expert tongue, and soft moans that traveled through his body, into mine. I can't even describe the feeling that surged through my body the moment I had him in my arms. Like a million butterflies were swirling around my stomach; knees going weak, breath becoming hot and quick. The whole temperature rising.

But he suddenly pulled away, "We should go upstairs and talk."

I nodded my head, but refused to remove my arms from his body, "Yeah, we totally should."

He smirked when he saw how eager I was to move. I just tightened my grip around him to show him my displeasure in the thought of having to let him go, even for a second. I was stupid enough to let him go the first time- I was going to do it again. But he saw that, and planted a soft kiss on my lips. "I am not going to fly away if you let go."

I scrunched my nose, "I know that!"

Reno shook his head and forcefully ripped my arms off him, bending down to retrieve my duffle bag, and grabbing my hand. He flashed me his trademark smile that I had fallen in love with all over again, and lead me up the stairs. We walked in silence, but the smiles on our faces spoke volumes, as did the hot pink blushes that painted our pale cheeks. He brought me to my room, looking at up me with those innocent green eyes.

"I hope you don't mind, but I have been sleeping in your room…It smells like you."

"I don't mind at all," I smiled and opened the door. The room was exactly how I left it. Pale blue with white carpet, and millions of posters and pictures of my favorite bands and movies literally the wall. My bed was against the wall to my left, still covered in those annoying stripped blue sheets I didn't like but matched my room. My TV was on the other side, with the radio and couch. The desk stood proudly on the wall facing me- the computer screen saver still a picture of Reno and I.

"You didn't change anything," I said, walking into the room and sitting on the bed, "every thing is the same."

"Yeah, well, I didn't want you to get pissed at me touching things." He placed the bag on the floor and shut the door, walking to me.

"Why would I get mad?"

He ran his fingers through my short blonde hair, "We didn't end on the best of terms, did we?"

My eyes wilted to the floor. "Right," I whispered, "But I really want to make that up to you. Do you forgive me?"

He smirked and pushed me onto the bed, crawling on top of me. His green eyes stared deeply into my blue orbs, as if looking to see if the soul he fell in love with was still there. "Do you forgive me?"

I nodded and silenced any further conversation with our lips together. I pushed my hands under his shirt to feel every bit of flesh I could get my fingers on, before getting impatient and ripping his shirt over his head. He smirked against my cheek and began a viciously assault on my neck; sucking and biting where he knew it felt good. I didn't care about my dignity, and moaned like a two cent whore in the back of a car. He just made me feel good all over, it was hard not to acknowledge it. But I was tired of being on the bottom and suddenly flipped him over, so I was now on top- kissing along his perfectly constructed jawline.

I pulled away so I could eat up the site of my shirtless lover, flushed and begging for me, when black writing caught my attention. I snapped my eyes to the ink that was on his chest- the date I would remember for as long as I lived. November 15th, 2005. The day I asked Reno, in such a pathetic way, to be my boyfriend. I ran my thumb over the date affectionately.

"I needed something to remember you by," he whispered, "I was destroyed after you left. This felt like the only way to mask the pain."

I looked at him sadly, "I love you, Reno, so much."

"I love you too," he grabbed the collar of my shirt and pulled me down so our lips were hovering only inches apart. "Now, make me yours again."


	9. You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away

Authors Note: D Don't kill me, I know i promised updates quicker, but I am a bad bad bad bad girl. Sorry. I am trying, but I have school and work and shit! I promise to get them out faster though because I am already thinking about a sequel to this story. It probably won't be posted as a fanfiction though. I am slowly breaking away from fanfiction and going to original, which Cherry Soda Boy is at Anyway... Here is chapter nine. Maybe I can try to get chapter ten out tonight to. Hopefully. I will try!

Chapter Nine

You Can't Be Missed If You Never Go Away

Four days wasn't enough time. Wasn't enough time to heal all the wounds we managed to inflict on each other. Not enough time to completely go back to the way things were- back before we had to care about college and leaving…and abandoning. It was a small dose of love- and like junkies we wanted…no needed…more. I contemplated not leaving until late on Monday- savoring every second I could with the red head. Part of me wanted to leave school for the whole week; another part never wanted to go back. But my parent's wouldn't even let the thought materialize into words- they know how important it was for me to get out of Staten Island (and they already paid the tuition). I couldn't help but think there was another hidden motive behind their insistence that I remain in upstate New York. I briefly took note at the way they would look at Reno- with concern and disappointment- after one of their college lectures. But if I ever pressed the issue…all three would go silent and change the subject…

If I had more time with Reno, I would have probably pushed him to tell me- but it was silly to waste our days talking about school.

It was Sunday- the day Cid and I had to return to the frozen hell- and I had already delayed our departure at least three times. Cid didn't mind it too much despite his yelling and cursing in my ear; leaving meant leaving Tifa…Cid just didn't want that, though he was too stubborn to admit it. I looked at the digital clock that sat rather proudly on my night table; the red numbers screaming a dirty number "12:00" back at me. If we delayed anymore, there was the possibility of being stuck in a good five-hour traffic jam…and I doubt I would live to see hour two. I sighed and tighten my hold on my boyfriend's body; burying my head in his short red locks.

"I have to go," I whispered, half-hoping he wouldn't hear. He groaned and rolled over to face me with his bloodshot green orbs that suggested he sleep hadn't claimed him.

"No you don't," he argued with a sleepy yawn, and nuzzled my shoulder rather cutely.

"I'm sorry baby," I kissed his head, "but school is calling me. I'm sorry."

"Fucking school," he murmured, "you shouldn't have gone so far…"

I winced at his comment- I guess I was delusional in thinking he would let that go…once Reno discovered he was right about something, he held onto it like a fucking security blanket; holding it over my head. This was no different. He knew I regretted going so far. He knew I wished I could have made a better decision- like going to Manhattan or Brooklyn, or even Jersey wasn't that far. But despite that, I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing his control over me…

I merely smiled, "I am going to jump in the shower sleepy head."

As I moved off the bed, I saw the mock death glare he was shooting me, and allowed a small laugh at his expense. "Are you going to glare at me? Or join me?"

"Asshole," he joked, throwing a pillow at my ass- earning a very girlish giggle from my end- before dragging his body off the bed and into the bathroom with me. He was oddly silent as he watched me turn on the water and getting into the shower- just watching me with cautious interest and puppy dog eyes that suggested he was thinking anything but innocent thoughts.

"What's wrong?" I inquired.

"Nothing, just watching you…"

Reno followed me into the shower, instantly wrapping his thin arms around my body, and nuzzled face into my neck. As the steamy hot water pounded against our bodies, I briefly took note on how thing he actually had gotten. He looked frail under the dill bathroom light, with some of his bones gently poking out of his too pale skin. Dark circles plagued his eyes, and his normally vibrant red locks seemed dry and worn out. I knitted my eyebrows together, and glided my knuckles over his wet cheek. He smiled and brought his green eyes to lay on me.

"Are you okay?"

He seemed to understand what I was getting at, "Just been missing you….am missing you…"

"I haven't left yet…"

"You are, soon, for three weeks- four maybe."

He had done it. With his worn expression and weakened force, he brought me to the breaking point of guilt. I couldn't even assure him everything would be okay after I left, because it was clear he wasn't okay- hell, thinking about it, I wasn't even okay. And maybe it had been all my fault at the end of the day.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, "Sorry I left."

I think he felt satisfied, from the way his body relaxed and the smile on his face morphed into a smirk. He shouldn't have this much control over it- it wasn't right. It was dangerous. The little voice of reason that lived in my head was screaming at me to remember a moment in that that had long been forgotten. Purposely forgotten. I swallowed them back along with pride, and placed a gentle kiss upon his head to show my submission to him. Point was, I guess, right or not, I was leaving him behind at the end of the day.

I turned off the water, but we didn't move. We remained with arms tangled around each other, cold air sweeping in to chase away the little drops of water, and freezing out bodies together. I could hear my phone going off in my bedroom- Cid no doubt calling to inform me that hour to leave was now…no more delaying. My mom called from downstairs to wake up- dad was mumbling something loudly about Reno and I sleeping together. The sounds seemed so different than the first time I left; no silence.

Except from Reno, who sighed and pulled away coldly. He walked out of the shower, leaving me there to fester in my growing guilt, as if he didn't know how bad this was hurting me- maybe he didn't care. Maybe he enjoyed the look of hurt in my eyes- it was his revenged. I repeated his sigh, grabbed a towel and wrapped it around my waist before emerging from the shower.

When I got into my room, he was already pulling some jeans over his thin hips.

"Are you going to hate me this whole time?" I asked.

He turned his head slightly and shrugged, "No."

"Please, Reno, don't make this any harder than it already has to be…it isn't fair…"

I half expected a nasty retort to slide from his mouth- and for second there, the death glare he shot me suggested as much. But nothing. Instead, he glided to me and placed a kiss on my lips. "Sorry."

Seemed like the little game he was playing got boring.

"Thank you."

We finished getting dressed in silence. I took noticed in how he choose to wear that special Taking Back Sunday shirt that held so many members, and one of my old jackets that I left behind. I smirked when he purposely bent down in front of me to tie one of his shoes, and smacked his ass hard.

He yelped and swung around, "Jerk! That fucking hurt!"

I giggled and wrapped my arms around his waist, "Aww, did widdle Reno get hurt?"

He laid his head on my chest and clung to my jacket for dear life, as the realization that I was drifting away began to slowly sink in. The bright red numbers blinked angrily at me from the night table; flashing the evil "1:00" as if the zeroes had been demonic eyes. My eyes pulled away from the clock and laid themselves on my desk, where two familiar gold rings caught my attention. I smiled and slowly pulled away from my boyfriend, who whimpered when my body left his.

"Reno…" I grabbed the two rings, "I want to try again.

"Try what?" He knitted his eyebrows together cutely, before looking at the two rings in my hand, "Oh…man."

"What? You don't want to wear them again?"

"No! I do!" he snatched his ring and placed in on his finger, "I just…I don't know. I just forgot how good it felt to be apart of someone. To be in love like this."

I slipped the ring on my finger and smiled at how well it still fit, "I know. I forgot what it was like…I missed it….

"I missed you."

-

It was getting cold- winter was slowly creeping into Staten Island, despite how warm it was on Thanksgiving. I smirked at the gray clouds that hung in the sky, preparing to shower this island with either frosted rain or snow- knowing almost full well they weren't a sign of trouble ahead. No. They couldn't be. They were just clouds in the sky- a natural occurrence. Nothing could put a damper on this feeling that surged through my body. Not even clouds. Not even myself.

I felt my boyfriend place a quit kiss on my neck to draw my eyes back to earth; back to his eyes that lost their worn out look. I smiled and kissed his lips right as Cid's car pulled in front of my house.

"So," Reno said, "I guess this is good bye for now?"

I shook my head, "No. No goodbyes. Not like last time."

He smiled, "I'll see you later then, my love."

We kissed each other quickly one last time, before I forced myself to pull away and walk down the cement path to Cid's car. I felt so high- naturally high- smiling for the first time in months it seemed. I got the love of my life back and everything seemed to fall back into place. However, when I took my rightful seat, the air seemed to change dramatically. I looked at Cid, whose eyes were plastered on Reno. The aura surrounding my hot-tempered friend was tensed- strained.

"Did something happen with Tifa?"

He snapped his head back to me, obviously flustered and slammed on the gas without answering. I figured I was right on the money with my assumption, and merely relaxed in my seat without pressing the issue. Cid just didn't talk about his problems with his fiancé; never. Not like it was a big deal anyway- they always fought, that's how they showed they cared. It was a fucked up relationship, but they were two fucked up people. It worked.

But something kept bugging me…dancing in the pit of my stomach like an unasked question. I swallowed it back and tried to focus on the passing trees and buildings…

"Can you trust him?" He finally asked, "Can you trust Reno?"

"Yes," I answered without hesitation, "why?"

"Just making sure…"

And now those clouds in the sky…seem to be laughing at me…


	10. Cloud Strife Popular?

  
Authors Note: I finished it 3 I started branching out. I am now at the Yu Yu Hakusho section, so if you guys are interested, I have two fanfictions "Nightmarish Waltz" and "You Would Kill For This." Check them out D

Chapter Ten

Cloud Strife Popular?

When I returned to school, I decided I should dedicate myself to becoming a better person. A more "popular person" if you will. I wanted to have friends. I wanted to leave my years as a whiny teenager, who dressed in black and glared at anything resembling the color pink, behind. I wasn't a bad guy. I maybe a little immature, pessimistic, and don't exactly know when to stop complaining, but I could be fun! Maybe…possibly. I mean, I liked going out to parties….sometimes. The times I have gone were fun…in some ways. Drinking is cool….when I haven't woken up covered in my own vomit.

Okay, so I guess I don't do "fun college guy" well. But that didn't mean I had to be a hermit and lock myself in my dorm room for the entire four years. I swore I was going to actually join the school's newspaper. Swore! And I passed it two times already, and even went in! Granted it was just to ask where the bathroom was, but it was an effort! People in my dorm were even starting to warm up to be a little….kind of. I mean, some of the girls were still weird out by the fact that I never did talk and apparently use really big words like "you."

Fine, fine, I was a college social failure. I felt like I was the only intelligent person amongst the colony of lemmings, and couldn't fit in even if I proclaimed myself the biggest football fan and drank beer until my blood **became** beer. In my own head, I criticize everyone and everything, from the teachers to the town to the fact that it snowed so fucking much. I wasn't happy. I didn't know if it was because I somehow missed Staten Island and all its filthy glory, or if I missed my boyfriend too much. My English teacher would say I was just a bigheaded narcissist, and like all writers would probably blow my head off in ten years…

I got a feeling he really liked me.

Reno didn't seem to mind that I was a social outcast; it just gave him the security he needed. Who the hell was going to ask me out? I was the creepy gay guy remember? Not even the gay kids wanted anything to do with me. No, seriously, they ran away when they saw me. No joke. They kicked me out at the Gay/Straight Alliance meeting! Granted I called the girl who was leading it a self-centered dyke with her head so far up her ass it was illegal in most states- but she totally started that rumble!

Anyway, Reno wasn't worried. But I was. I was putting all my faith in him again- foolishly allowing myself to be trapped in his beautifully constructed web. He would whisper sweet nothings to me on the phone; telling me how I shouldn't worry…because I always had him. I always had him. It was funny because of how untrue it was. A mere four months before, we hated each other. Two years before, he broke my heart in the worst way. I guess that was just the curse of being so in love you forget to breathe. You forget all those silly imperfections, those little break ups, the fights that left you bleeding and crying. I even forgot the fact he technically cheated on me. Either that, or I really just didn't care. Maybe I just wanted to delude myself into thinking this was forever.

When I wasn't brooding in my room- cause my roommate was too busy fucking his girlfriend- complaining to Reno, or in class, I was in the main lounge area doing homework or writing a story. I was just doing that one Friday, sitting at a table in the corner, writing some little story about a boy trapped in a boarding school, alone. The table could fit at least three other people, but the rest of the dorm all frolic towards one table, where some kid was convinced he could drink twenty-one beers in one sitting and not die of alcohol poisoning. I didn't quite mind the noise of the wound up animals, and just relaxed in my "happy place" allowing the words to flow from my brain, to my paper, without a hitch.

That is…until someone who smelled strongly of strawberries took a seat in front of me. I looked up slightly, to see him pull out a book and begin reading without acknowledging me. I tried to be very "natural" but curiosity got the better of me, and I brought my eyes to lay on him. I almost choked at the site of the man in front of me…

He was absolutely-fucking gorgeous, I almost came right there…

Okay, that's gross, sorry.

He was a pretty boy, model pretty, with spiky brown hair and muddy hazel eyes that seemed to change colors by the minute. He had a strong face, tight pink lips , and muscles that poked out of the Armani Exchange shirt that seemed a size too small- not that I was complaining. He wore a crucifix around his neck- and I swore Jesus was giving me the glare of death- and seemed stiff in his demeanor. He sat up straight, eyes frozen on the text book, a frown on his mouth.

I scrunched my face though; I wasn't into model hot. Nah, I liked grungy skinny boys with red hair and cursed a lot. This guy looked like he had something shoved up his ass so far, it was tickling his ribcage or something. No denying he was hot though.

We sat alone, and in complete silence, not bothering to offer each other even a glance. The only sounds were from my pen against paper, his page flipping, and the roar from the unruly students only a few inches away from us. I was oddly at peace, when something, once again, disturbed me.

This something, was a someone, with a ridiculous high-pitched voice, and a skirt so short she put Britney Spears to shame. She sat on the table, flipping her skirt up so I got a brief look at her unclothed ass, and began ferociously flirting with the boy in front of me. He seemed to ignore her advances, even when she played with his hair, and touched his broad shoulders. She was squeaky and uninteresting- talking about how she got so drunk at a party, she may have had sex with her best friend, Cynthia. I attempted to ignore her…

"Why are you sitting with him," she spat out aggressively. I looked up to see her glaring at me with her brown eyes; who pissed in her cheerios!?

"Who is he?" Model boy raised an eyebrow, and threw me a sympathetic look.

But before she could answer, I interjected, "Hi! I'm the creepy gay guy who sits in the corner and writes about butt sex!" I returned her glare, adding a small smirk, which she scoffed at.

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes and walked back to her cluster of drunken friends.

They were all looking at me, slightly snickering, as if they accomplished something by acting like a bunch of high schoolers. Yeah, that's right, fucking high schoolers. I thought I would be through with the stupid rumors and cruel jokes the moment I graduated, but I seemed to have fallen into a horrible trap. College is just one big fucking day care for the drunk and disorderly. At least this college was. I huffed loudly at the crowd, who shed their smirks and returned to their task of filling beer glasses, and mimicked the annoying chick's eye roll. I returned to staring at the white loose-leaf paper, filled with lines and lines of words that suddenly made no sense to me- as if they had been written in a different language entirely.

"You must be popular," model boy said suddenly.

I lifted my eyes, "Clearly."

He smirked, "Does creepy gay guy have a name?"

I was caught off guard instantly. No one had ever bothered to ask my name, except for my roommate and teachers, so excuse me if I seemed to have magically forgot who the fuck I was. I stuttered, trying to remember that stupid name my psychopathic mother blessed with upon my birth, coming up with nothing.

But model boy only laughed cutely at me, "Forget?"

"No!" I shook my head, "It's Cloud….Cloud Strife. You?"

"Seymour Guado." He flashed me a prize-winning smile, "So, problems fitting in?"

"Oh yes, very," I scoffed, "I swear it feels like high school in this place."

"I hear ya; I went to high school with most of these failures- same shit, different location."

"Bummer. So I take it you're from around here?" Frankly, I could tell that just from his accent. He had a slightly more sophisticated version of a southern accent which ran-rampant through this area of New York.

"Yeah, and you're from downstate I gather?"

I scrunched my nose, "New York City."

"Staten Island, more like it."

Fuck me, he could pick out which stupid borough I came from just from listening to my horrid bastardization of the English language- The Staten Island Accent. It was nothing more than the love child of New Jersey and Brooklyn accents, spoken with a high-pitched flare, and with words like "God" replaced with "gawd" and "talk" replaced with "tawlk." I had attempted to conceal which borough I hailed from since I entered the school; no one quite respects Staten Island and rightfully so! Most don't even know we exist! We are a "bridge" between Brooklyn. A dump. A pool of fucking orange people. Yes. Orange people. Oopa-fucking-loopas. Granted, we aren't as bad as Jersey. Then again, not many states are.

Okay, totally got off track.

"You hate where you are from?" he laughed gently- and I guessed I had allow a disgusted look to past my face.

"Yeah….I guess you can say that. Do you like this place?"

He shrugged, "It's okay. I'm used to it. I would like to see the world though- travel. I want to transfer to a school in England, maybe. Australia would be even better."

"You just….want to get out."

"Don't you?"

A yes was begging against my lips, but for some reason, I kept them tightly closed; looking at Seymour with some kind of disturbed look on my face, that he seemed to understand. He was right. I wanted to get out, from everything, but I wasn't going to admit it again. If I really had wanted to make the escape I promised when I choose colleges, I would have run all the way to Canada. Maybe even further. But I chose being safe over being free. Now I was a caged bird, with clipped wings, and no more desire.

"I see," he smirked, "that will change."

I was about to argue, but he arose from his seat and flashed a full, genuine smile. "Maybe I'll see you around?"

"Maybe you will…" I said blankly.

"Oh? Maybe I'll ask you out?"

"Maybe I'll say no. Maybe."

"Maybe you won't," he winked, and walked away, leaving me completely dumbstruck.

Did he just ask me out?

I shuddered when the image of Reno popped in my head looking completely pissed off and jealous. I tried to ignore it- pushed it in the back of mind along with the rest of his flaws. I tried to ignore Seymour, mister model, pushed him away completely. Or tried. No one had ever showed interest in me, no one. Not for a while. I started to wonder if this was the whole reason I left- to find something better. No, no one was better than Reno. Maybe someone….different. Model boy was different. Different in a good way- too good. I would have to avoid him for the rest of my life.

Not that I didn't trust myself. I didn't want it to be rubbed in my face.

I also decided to try to avoid telling Reno what had happened; to at least save me the heartache. But when he called later on that night, he could tell from the slightly distracted sound of my voice, there someone else was occupying my mind. I could feel the venom drip through the phone when he asked, "Who are you thinking about?" With such accusation, you would think I had already committed the sin.

"No one, baby," I said calmly.

I was in my dorm by now, and my roommate was studying for a final on his bed- his headphones plugged in his ear so he could successfully ignore me. I lay down on my own bed, staring at the ceiling as Reno continued to ask what had me so distracted- as if it was a fucking crime.

"Nothing, baby."

"It is something!"

"Nothing."

There was a crack in the ceiling.

"Is it a boy?"

"It's nothing, can you drop it?"

He huffed like a child, "Why are you so distracted tonight, Cloud?"

"Just thinking."

"About?"

"Nothing!"

"Why won't you tell me!?" 

The crack was long, faded, but dark enough to put a stain on the pure white room.

"There's nothing to tell."

"Well then what did you do today? And don't say nothing."

"Talked to some guy-" I slapped myself on the forehead.

"You what!? Was he gay? Did you like him? Was he hotter than me?" Translation: Did you fuck him you son of a bitch!

"No! Jesus, we just talked, am I not allowed to talk to guys anymore? Stop acting like you own me, Sinclair."

"Fine! Then I am going to go do 'nothing'! Bye!" I was met with the sound of silence.

I looked at the phone as if the boy at the other end had not my boyfriend at all, but a PMSing woman. My roommate snickered at my plight, I just continued to stare at my phone- at the picture of Reno and I that was my background. But there was nothing else to do- or say- he was pissed and best to leave him alone- right? I threw the phone down on my bed- my roommate laughed a little louder. I ignored him. I stared at the crack in the ceiling…it was darker now.


End file.
